THE DEREK

Top 10

2008-10-16T13:02:00.000-07:00

Nyna at work makes us do these "Top 10" lists. I thought I left AFI, but I guess everyone does indeed love a list!!!

Last week's list was our Top 10 Scenes in movies.

Here is mine in random order:

- The cemetery scene after Shelby's (Julia Roberts) funeral. Sally Field (M'Lynn)... freaking out crying as usual. Clairee (Olympia Dukakis) pushes Ouiser (Shirley MacLaine) towards M'Lynn and orders her to "hit Ouiser, pronounced Weezah! Then they all laugh and Dolly Parton jumps up and down in an attempt to draw a male audience to watch that movie the whole way through.

- The department store scene in Muppets Take Manhattan featuring Miss Piggy and Joan Rivers. Joan gives Piggy a makeover in hopes to win back the heart of her frog. The scene ends in a huge powder fight and enough rouge to make Moulin look pale!

- The entire musical in Waiting For Guffman, featuring such hits as "Nothing Ever Happens On Mars," "Stool Boom," and "A Penny For Your Thought,"

- Jennifer Hudson as Effie White in Dreamgirls. "And I Am Telling You." Give that bitch an Oscar and shut her up. Loved it!

-Westside Story- "Somewhere" reprise- Tony thinks Maria is dead and proceeds on a manhunt for her killer, but instead of revenge, he wants "her killer" to kill him as well so that Tony may join his love in death. Tony then sees his love, Maria, in the playground/ally where they are reunited. Then from out of nowhere, Chino appears and shoots Tony. Tony and Maria sing each other a song... wouldn't you? Then Tony dies in Maria's arms. Kills me, and Tony, every time.

- The spooge starting inside Ben Stiller and ending up in the hair of Cameron Diaz in "There's Something About Mary"

- Introduction to the Munchkins in The Wizard Of Oz after Dorothy has landed her house on the Wicked Witch's Sister. Suddenly the world is so much more colorful and Dorothy has no idea what lies ahead in her adventure. It's also here in Muchkinland that we first meet Glinda, the good witch of the North. The graphics of her bubble are nothing to laugh at since it was made in 1939.

- The scene in Pleasantville when Tobey Maquire applies grey make-up to his mom, a terrified and "colored" Joan Allen, to hide her new color from his father, William H. Macy. I'll never forget her face and the fear when she realizes she is different and pleads with her son that regressing and hiding is sometimes our only choice.

- In Back To The Future and the "Enchantment Under the Sea Dance" when George McFly finally grows a pair and Marty is successful in hooking up his parents. Marty saves his future family by making them kiss and then shocks the crowd with "Go Jonny Go!" "Your kids are goin to love it!"

- Love Actually- Emma Thompson crying alone to Joni Mitchell in her bedroom after discovering her husband bought a Christmas necklace for his secretary and not her. She loses it for a minute and then composes herself and carries on her motherly duties by attending her kids' Christmas Pageant.

Start Campaignin'!

2008-07-23T17:07:00.000-07:00

The election will be here before we know it! Thank God!

I will only turn to Katie Couric and Anderson Cooper for all my up-to-the date election coverage.

AND I would totally watch them make-out if I could!

Send a JibJab Sendables® eCard Today!

You MUST Listen...

2008-07-21T16:29:00.000-07:00

This will brighten your Monday afternoon blues.

I wonder why she won't call him back... What's wrong with women these days? Poor Dmitri

I couldn't figure out how to embed it in the post, but go to the site and listen.

Enjoy!

CLICK HERE!!!

Oh HELL no!!!

2008-07-21T10:05:00.000-07:00

Never... no way... no how!

Esto tiene CALOR!!!

2008-07-17T12:53:00.000-07:00

This is almost too much to take in!

I'm feeling faint! My heart is racing! I just drooled on my keyboard... fingers just got paralyzed. Gotta go.

God bless red-carpets sometimes!

Bo-qay!!??!!!

2008-07-15T21:25:00.000-07:00

Thanks Sweedie for sharing...

I heart Broadway so much AND that Nathan Lane too!!! (That Cheyenne beefcake isn't so bad either)

"Do they say FIDDLER is too Jewish?" HILARIOUS!

Ready... or Not!

2008-07-11T11:56:00.000-07:00

Well it happened last week. As Matt put it I'm now a member of a new demographic. I'm no longer part of the 25-29 year old group, and NO... I did not turn 24! I could be so lucky! Does this mean I can't watch MTV anymore? Do I have to switch to VH1?

I think I had the best 30th birthday of all the 30 year olds ever.

It started with an impromptu night in Vegas complete with a sweet ass suite in the Venetian, show tickets to The Divine Ms. M at Caesars, and a lovely dinner afterwards. Complete perfection is what it was! One piece of advice I have is that if you order continental breakfast room service... they actually bring it INTO the room to set it up... so you might wanna get outta bed. At least Matt didn't open the door with his lime green terry-romper on. That would have really sealed the deal with the poor lady that had to see me in bed. Thank goodness for sheets!
Thank you Matty, Paul-Louis and Cooper for starting 30 off with a bang!

We then drove to Lake Powell for the week on the houseboat with family and friends... It was, as it is every year, amazing and fun! Life is so hard there! I must say! Thanks to the Call clan and all you lovely Clark's for an amazing time! It's amazing that we live as 17 individuals, but come together for an unforgettable week every year. Love you all!!! Missed Ty, Ry and Nora terribly!

Then on Monday night, when all was getting back to normal, I was surprised with a bash at my favorite LA hot-spot, the fancy and authentic, El Coyote! Surprise parties are bitchin! I was amazed and honored that all those people showed up to celebrate me, some as far away as Utah! Thank you to my party host committee: Matty Cakes, Baby Sue, Sweedie Darling and Sunshine! Thanks to all who attended! It was a night I will never forget.

It was a Birthday I will never forget!

BRAVO!!

2008-06-27T09:40:00.000-07:00

Well... the pic sucks... but the performance was awsome!

I went and saw my friend Shaz perform at Sit n Spin last night and can't get over how great she did. She is a great talent! Great writing, great performing, great shoes!

She is the white figure you can kind of see in the photo!

I'll let you know when she is performing there again so you can check it out.

In the meantime... check out her blog here.

Quick... act important...

2008-06-16T16:26:00.000-07:00

OMG!! This photo is so fantastic and we can't stop laughing about it here at work.

What you are seeing is a shot of the red carpet during AFI's Life Achievement Award to Warren Beatty. You'll notice to the right of Warren and the lovely Annette, two AFI "workers", myself and my friend and colleague, Amy. (Amy is hilarious and can spread the sarcasm with the best of us... check out her blog here.)

We think this photo looks like a "Red Carpet Experience" at Universal Studios or somewhere like that. Sort of like the "Honey, I Shrunk The Kids" ride. OR even better, those tacky places in Vegas hotels that you take your picture with an obscure back drop and print it on a coffee mug or tee shirt.

We chose our props, got dressed and got set in position. Amy chose the, "I'm pissed at you for confusing me and making me yell louder than all those photographers... what's with my hand?" pose. I chose the "ahhh... pretty sparkles on Annette's dress... can't stop dazing into them" look.

It's good to be so important and rich like Amy and I.

I HEART Alanis!

2008-06-07T16:48:00.000-07:00

I might be a little behind here but this is brilliant.

Love me some Alanis!

Doughy Nuts??

2008-06-05T20:15:00.000-07:00

Happy National Donut Day Tomorrow!!!! (Friday, June 6th)

I'm so relieved I didn't miss it again this year! It's days like this I REALLY miss Dunkin' Donuts!

Click here to check it out!

ENJOY!!!!

Thirsty... but can't afford a sip of gas!

2008-06-05T15:39:00.000-07:00

That's right folks... One of the joys living in LA! If you can't see that... gas is at $4.49/gallon!

If you can't find me... I'll just be walking.

UPDARTE: We're up to $4.69 folks. Time to start selling the children.

Denim on.... is that Denim?

2008-06-02T14:28:00.000-07:00

Really lady? This is the opposite of anything remotely fierce.

That's right... you are looking at denim on denim.

Who done told her??

They must have had a denim sale at JoAnne's Fabrics.

Good for her! Work!

Really Gay!

2008-05-30T13:28:00.001-07:00

No offense to my friends who are actually attending this... but come on!

I love baseball as much as vodka, but this is ridiculously G-A-Y!

Check it out here! It's the "perfect double play!"

I can only imagine how quiet this game will be with everyone so preoccupied with the stitching.

PLEASE look at someones finished product... wonder how many innings it takes to make something THIS fancy.

I've said it once... I'll keep saying it... God Bless America!

THIS is good journalism...

2008-05-21T14:27:00.000-07:00

I'm intrigued and confused...

Please read this article and then tell me why this is news.

Really?!?!?! Utah is going to vote for Barbie's husband, McCain??? I'm speechless... this is SUCH a surprise!!!

COME ON FOLKS! REALLY?!?!?!?

To my knowledge...Utah has NEVER voted Democratic in any presidential election. Thank God Utah voters are "warming up" to GOP candidate, McCain... Do they really have any choice at this point? You know they'll vote Re-blah-blican.

What a waste of money to take a poll to see who Utahans will vote for. Perhaps they should be putting this money into an education system so they quit producing morons that take pointless polls and who write "news" like this.

HANG IN THERE HILLARY!!!

My little bro is a BIG stud!

2008-05-20T17:55:00.000-07:00

This is quite the blog I've gotten myself into going from showtunes to high school baseball... God bless America!!!! Wait... they should make a show called "High School-- The Musical!" I'm on to something here... I can feel it...

Colton is a senior at Alta High, my alma mater! They are deep into the state championship tournament right now... I'm so proud of him...

Check it out here!
Break a leg Colton! Wait... what??
I'll keep you updated on Colton's team! GO HAWKS!!

Update: Both David Archuleta (thank you to the "Idol" Gods) and The Hawks lost today, putting them out of the championship. 4th place is nothing to be ashamed of for Alta. What is a stupid "Bingham" anyways? Colton, I'm so proud of you.!.. look at this article reporting on both your superb games today!!!

Don't worry... I'll come visit soon and we'll drowned your sorrows away together! Love you!

TONY noms...zzzzzz!

2008-05-13T14:34:00.000-07:00

Wake up... wake up...!

Tony nominations were announced this morning!

Believe me when I tell you that you WILL fall back asleep while reading the list of nominees.

Click here to see the full list!

Mysteries to me:

- Grease is nominated for Best Musical-Revival?... huh! That's the production that NBC featured on it's reality show.
- No noms for Cat On A Hot Tin Roof?... Yeah cause Terrence Howard, James Earl Jones, Phylicia Rashad and Anika Noni Rose all need acting classes...? Come on people!!
- The Little Mermaid was nominated for Best Original Score? Huh... Wasn't it 75% written already? That must have taken them a good day to write a couple more songs... huh!?

I'm muy excited to see Patti LuPone performing from Gypsy. I hope she wins! She has a lot to live up to after Bernadette Peters (seen here... amazing!) in 2003.

I'm muy bummed that my friend Jeff, who Asst. Choreographed for Young Frankenstein wasn't recognized with a choreo nom... boo!!! I was hoping for you Jeff!

Awards wise it looks like a snooze of a show... again. Thank goodness White Cherry's production of the show itself and the performances are very entertaining... well... to me and my Tony party anyways! Let me know if you'd like to be put on the guest list.

No Tuna Ellen? Huh... really?!?!?!

2008-05-13T14:01:00.000-07:00

Hey ma.... look... rubbing elbows... I just shared the salad bar at Gelsons with the lovely and talented star of the silver screen, Ellen Page!

One normal person would say "oh yeah... there's Ellen..." but I found myself trying to dare me to take a picture. I normally wouldn't care to take a picture of a celebrity, however, Ellen was shopping with the butchest of butch girls. They were clearly a couple and a fairly cute one at that! This really sealed the deal that Ellen is BONE-a fide(tee hee) lesbo! I guess in this case she's un-BONE a fide!

She got some cucumbers on her salad and I got tuna... oh what a town!

Go JAZZ!!!

2008-05-09T16:53:00.000-07:00

Don't forget to root for the Utah Jazz tonight!! They are down in the series against the very pompous fLakers 0-2.

It's weird but I'm totally crushing on Forward- Kyle Korver! This isn't the best pic of him, and yes, he's a bit neanderthal... But he can box me out and lay me up anytime he wants!

UPDATE: Jazz have tied the series 2-2 but I still have not made out with Kyle... He is coming to town on Wednesday for game 5... Maybe he'll need to drowned his sorrows after they lose... Call me Kyle! :)

UPDATE- part deux: JAZZ SUCK!

Doggie Dramz!

2008-05-08T15:05:00.000-07:00

I don't really know what the hell I just watched.

How...

What?..

Really!?!

I beg of you...

2008-05-08T12:49:00.000-07:00

Please please please promise me when you bury me that you'll turn my mouth UP so I look at least a little happy, tilt my head back as to avoid the double chin... oh... and of course replace the Wii control with a bottle of Jack!

Thanks.

Perfect Gift!

2008-05-08T12:37:00.000-07:00

We went to our friend's 30th birthday party this past weekend in Utah. It was a blast. We got him the perfect gift... the gift of schweaty balls!

This contraption was a hit! Very entertaining, both in public and later in the bedroom... so I've heard.... eeeeeewwww! What you can't see here is the awsome raccoon tail on the back.

You Tim Curry??

2008-05-07T17:16:00.000-07:00

I saw legendary stage and screen actor Tim Curry at Gelsons when I was getting lunch today. I didn't know he was of the homo persuasion, but I'm pretty sure I saw him checking out a PYT with a nice rear! What doesn't scream G-A-Y about this...

Looking at him, I couldn't help but think about and take a little moment remembering his co-star in Clue, the hilarious Madeline Kahn. Love Mrs. White! These two dialogs from Clue get me every time:

Colonel Mustard: How many husbands have you had?
Mrs. White: Mine or other women's?
Colonel Mustard: Yours.
Mrs. White: Five.
Colonel Mustard: Five?
Mrs. White: Yes, just the five. Husbands should be like Kleenex: soft strong and disposable.
Colonel Mustard: You lure men to their deaths like a spider with flies.
Mrs. White: Flies are where men are most vulnerable.
Colonel Mustard: Right!

Mrs. White: Are you a cop?
Mr. Green: No, I'm a plant.
Miss Scarlet: A plant? I thought men like you were usually called a fruit.
Mr. Green: Very funny.

Miss her!

Blogging HARD!!

2008-05-06T17:01:00.000-07:00

I didn't know it would be so hard to choose what my first real post would be about. I always think of stuff that I find interesting in an "only funny to me" type of way and always want to share my thoughts with others, but when the time comes to type... I get writer's block. I feel that I'm the least creative of my friends who have already found this new frontier of sharing their thoughts, photos, videos, artwork etc. Many have posted pictures of recent trips they have taken, some have pics of their pets, some have penciled portraits of a "vag", one even gives in depth reporting on very cool cultural events and happenings, most of which he's involved with in one way or the other. This leads me to the questions... what am I doing here and why are these people friends with me?

I'm very lucky to have people in my life that inspire me and encourage me to be me and to share myself with others. I truly believe that in a weird way, I live vicariously through these people and secretly would rather be them. I will try to make my posts interesting and titillating. (tee hee... tit) I need to view this new frontier as an outlet for creativity and not be scared of what people are thinking about me all the time. It's like my mom told me when playing little league, "quit chewing on your mitt, throw like a boy, and stop staring into the crowd worrying about what people are doing and who is looking at you."

My vow to myself from here on out on The Derek's blog... Eat, Drink (more), and be yourself for tomorrow... you never know.

TESTING!!

2008-04-22T09:29:00.000-07:00

One, two, three...